Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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