Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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