you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
