I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
