DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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