he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
