I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
