I wanna bring you to show and tell
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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