Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
