Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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