A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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