I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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