But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it's like iHOP with fire
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
