how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
