I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
