All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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