Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
