In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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