just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
