is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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