I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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