soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Farmville is her only friend.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
