It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
