I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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