Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
