Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
