I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
