Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
