Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
