I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
