If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
