Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
