Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
