watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
