I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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