Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A bitchslap is in order.
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