My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
