Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
