somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
