Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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