Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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