After last night, I could never be a politician.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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