i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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