We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
