you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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