You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
