Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
