Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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