No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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