He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
