last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
