dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
