im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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