I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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